1. |
My Poseidon
00:59
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i wish that you’d finished your book. something you left me not something you took. but i’d come up with reasons not to read it “i’m too sad” “i’m too tired” “i’ve got too much to do today” it wasn’t true back then it’s sure as shit not true now. i guess i just miss you. i will remember this lake. the lake won’t remember a thing. the lake will forget you. the lake never knew you. i wish i was the lake.
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2. |
Pumpkin Carving
02:03
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a pumpkin carving that kind of looks like you. but only the eyes and the nose and the mouth. i’m sifting through the papers in my room. i don’t know what i did with all the papers i wrote in school. every math test and science quiz and note that i passed to you. i think they got thrown out in the move. what’s the last mess you ever cleaned up? you'll never clean up your act.
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3. |
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it’s gonna sound so stupid rolling off my tongue. i should just shut up but i know that i won’t tonight. but hey, i think i like this. i know i don’t mind this now. i really like this now somehow. it’s like taking drags off of half-lit cigarettes and waking up too late to call it breakfast. now wasting time feels too much like i’m working on a holiday when all i want is to be inside with you. and i know it’s gonna sound so stupid rolling off my tongue but i’m wrapped around what’s right next to your thumb tonight. but hey, i think i like this. i know i don’t mind this now. i really like this now somehow. i smoke another cigarette hoping to feel something more than “nothing” because “nothing” is too real. i channel-surf a while but what a mistake. i’m feeling kind of “bat shit” it’s that kind of late. i drink another soda to stay hydrated. if i didn’t love it so much i’d say i hate it. and when i say this it’s gonna sound so stupid.
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4. |
Tomorrow's November
01:26
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i’m tired of my face so let’s throw on some costumes and canvas the neighborhood for all of their teeth-rotting goods. and if we get kind of tired then we’ll go back to your place and watch our favorite horror flicks in the dark. and i know you’ll never say “don’t take it off, the mask looks great!” but i really need you to because i’m tired of my face. so let’s live it up, tomorrow’s November. a night i won’t forget, a night they won’t remember.
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5. |
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i’m scrolling through Wikipedia pages. everything i read is getting changes. because i fear it’s the only way i’ll ever change anything. why do you want to marry me? or am i reading too much into these rings?
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6. |
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i saw an ambulance at the gas station. some guy was filling up the tank to save some lives. or maybe he was acting in self-interest, and only filling up the tank to live his life. but either way i don’t think that it changes a thing. because people do what people do and i’ll do what’s best for me. i saw a police car at the gas station. some cop was filling up the tank to end some lives. or maybe he thinks what he’s doing is right, and only filling up the tank for what he thinks saves lives. but either way i don’t think that it changes a thing. because people are rude and people are cruel and the same goes for you and me.
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7. |
A House Full of Halves
01:51
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you don’t know how much it bugs me, remembering all the lines that you’ve said. you don’t know how bad it gets here, sitting in my room wondering what i did. but i find myself talking to myself saying: this doesn’t make any sense. you don’t know how exhausting it is, being with friends and wondering if that’s what they are. you don’t know how pointless it feels, digging for years to bury what you bring up. i find myself with a shovel again saying: this doesn’t make any sense.
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8. |
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i’ve got a Goosebumps lunchbox and a thermos to match. i do dumb-ass things when i get mad. i do a lot of things that i don’t mean to do. it’s hard to sleep and i don’t like to eat. especially if the food is way too sweet. i guess i sing about things that don’t really matter to you. i wish they mattered to you. while i’m drinking ginger ale. and looking awfully pale. you ask what’s on my mind. i’ll tell you another time. i’ve got time to think. a lot of time, i think. so i guess i should just have a drink. or, on second thought, maybe not i don’t know what to think. sad recently but only mildly. so i should get out and try something. or, on second thought, maybe not i don’t know what to think. or, on second thought, maybe not.
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9. |
Nothing's Getting Better
01:30
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at least make this look like it’s something you want to do. i was almost feeling better but this Hummer in front of me isn’t driving fast enough. i really really want to be somewhere that out of touch. so maybe that just for once i could fuck off and relax. and not worry about everyone and just fuck off and relax. it gets harder to remember why i don’t drink. it gets harder to remember why i think. because nothing’s getting better.
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10. |
Oh Porcupine
01:27
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i won’t tell you that i want a house in the suburbs. because that’s not realistic for someone in my situation. i won’t tell you that i want a good paying job. because that’s not realistic for someone with my kind of patience.
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11. |
Sidewalk Chalk
02:10
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i find this all incredibly boring. i can’t believe you’re still talking. talk in circles and talk into the air. “unfair” gets us nowhere. i find this all incredibly boring. so make a change. then we’ll talk. maybe write our names in sidewalk chalk. but i don’t think that we’ll get this resolved. he doesn’t call and you don’t come around. i make a nice, subtle background. he doesn’t call and you don’t come around. you walked away. i really tried for weeks. but i saw my place was the backseat.
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12. |
Better This Way
02:16
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a faded out debit card won’t begin to mend your heart. but maybe, just for a while, take your mind off and make you smile. today’s the day things will change and we’ll get away. today’s the day i’ll turn and say “it’s better this way” so when do you want to go? we could catch the early show. or feed the ducks at the park. or just drive around into the dark.
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13. |
Song About My Mom
02:33
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you can’t take this. you shouldn’t have to. what he does now, he’ll do without you. you’re worth more than he shows. show him that you won’t be used. you’ve put your foot down. i’ll see you from time to time. happy everything is finally alright. it’s time to do the things you’ve always wanted to but never could. it’s about time. long overdue. that what he does now, he’ll do without you. you’ve had to wait and had to pay for the right to finally say “i got the hell out” let’s go do the things you’ve always wanted to but never could.
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14. |
The Devil Smokes Tobacco
02:09
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pardon me sir, this place is packed. is this seat reserved for a friend? he tells me “no, hasn’t been for a while. please take a seat but don’t crack a smile.” i couldn’t if i tried. he says “ i see the way she looks at you. you should be sitting next to her.” i said “it’s not that easy.” pardon me miss, would you care to dance? maybe we’ll kiss, there’s always a chance. she tells me “no, maybe another time. i’m here with someone.” i apologized. she said “that’s not necessary.”
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15. |
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watching horror movies again and getting bad ideas about you. i can’t think of a reason why i shouldn’t go all “HalloweeN” on you. so i invited you over last night. and today there’s blood on the carpet. there’s blood in the sink. there’s blood on the mirror. there’s blood all over me. and i don’t feel bad about it.
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16. |
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driving home has never felt this bad. again i say “i’ve never felt this bad” i don’t think i have the strength to go through this again. with an empty tank and an empty stomach. i reluctantly made the drive to what would be the worst of you. you’re out of pocket and i’m out of patience. i’m fucking tired of having to relearn all the people that i know. with friends like mine. now and again i think about all the good times. but more often than not i think about the times when i felt like shit and you felt the same. but you’re just an average kid. which really hurts to say. i like the way you ask me if everything is okay. when you know that couldn’t be the case. people never change. different boyfriends. different girlfriends. it’s all the same. you’re a joke. but i don’t want to laugh today. what’s in a name? what’s in a liar? what’s in your head? what’s in your brain? i don’t think i want to know anymore.
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17. |
Coffee Teeth
02:04
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i talk a lot about the days that meant the most. and how the ones we’re spending now aren’t coming close. i made your bed today and left a note. you laughed to yourself. or at least i hope. i tried my best but got caught up in hating everything. i tried my best but now i’m missing hating (everything). i’m just getting old. i’m not growing up.
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18. |
Starts to Snow
01:48
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you called me up most nights. and i hardly ever thought to call you back. now i sure wish i had. and now i miss all the things that would always seem to drive me so insane. i guess i miss everything. it’s only rained a few times since you died. but god it feels like everyday, i have to wake and face the rain. falling on the roof, on the streets, all around, everywhere i go. until it starts to snow.
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19. |
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let me get this straight, you seem to think that i’m the one who needs to change. but you come around here. you stick around here. and, oh my god, you’re still around. i’m trapped in a house. i can’t get out. i think i’m about to let go. and everyone here will wish that they had stayed home. you’ll never know how much it pisses me off because, i’ll never let you know.
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